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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|